


Walking in the Wind

by 254jess254



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cuz I can't write smut haha, Fluff and Angst, M/M, a little sex, not very explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5375126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/254jess254/pseuds/254jess254
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First, I need you to know this. I need you to really listen to me, okay? I need you to read these words that I'm about to write and I need you to know that they are true; that I mean them with every fibre of my being. I love you. I love you so much and that is why I'm doing this. I'm doing this for us. It's the only thing I can think that could possibly save us.<br/>Okay. Remember that I love you...  I'm leaving. I've had my bags packed for a few days and by the time you're reading this I'll be long gone. And I need you to not look for me okay? At least not right away. I think you know that we've been drifting apart for a long time now. Sometimes love just isn't enough. We both need time to find ourselves again. I've loved you since I was 18. That's ten years Harry. We've loved each other for ten years and I think we've kind of lost ourselves along the way. And if we keep going how we've been the last couple years, we aren't going to make it. That's why I need to do this. For us. To save us. </p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>The one where Harry goes to find Louis, and finds some memories along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walking in the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Hi All!  
> This is the first fic I've ever written so hopefully it doesn't suck too bad. I kind of love it so I hope you like it too! Please let me know what you think!!

Walking in the Wind

            He's been sitting in the same position for three hours, his long legs gone numb ages ago from the cramped way he has them propped against the seat in front of him. The bus smells like stale crisps and the distinct odour that comes with too many people stuffed in an enclosed space with not enough ventilation. Running his hands through his long, thick curls, he sighs and pulls the crumpled piece of paper out of the pocket of his tight black jeans. It has that soft feeling that comes from being refolded too many times. The ink has started to fade in spots and there is a brown ring on the corner of the page from a coffee mug. He smooths the paper out as best he can against his knee, takes a deep, steadying breath and reads the words he must have read a million times. Words that are so familiar to him he could quote them without looking.

_Hi,_

_Honestly, I don't know how to say this to you. My heart feels like it's breaking in two. How is that possible? How can a heart physically feel like it's falling to pieces? It's 4:30 in the morning. You're laying next to me. You've been asleep for hours, but I've just been laying here, staring at the ceiling, going over this in my mind again and again, trying to figure out what to say._

_First, I need you to know this. I need you to really listen to me, okay? I need you to read these words that I'm about to write and I need you to know that they are true; that I mean them with every fibre of my being. I love you. I love you so much and that is why I'm doing this. I'm doing this for us. It's the only thing I can think that could possibly save us._

_Okay. Remember that I love you...  I'm leaving. I've had my bags packed for a few days and by the time you're reading this I'll be long gone. And I need you to not look for me okay? At least not right away. I think you know that we've been drifting apart for a long time now. Sometimes love just isn't enough. We both need time to find ourselves again. I've loved you since I was 18. That's ten years Harry. We've loved each other for ten years and I think we've kind of lost ourselves along the way. And if we keep going how we've been the last couple years, we aren't going to make it. That's why I need to do this. For us. To save us._

_I love you. I'll always love you. And I know that if we are supposed to be together, we'll find each other again._

_I love you with all that I am._

_Louis xx_

            Folding the paper carefully, he slips it back into his pocket and rests his head against the seat. It's been almost a year. 11 months, 23 days and 5 hours actually, but who's counting. He remembers that terrifying morning in May as clear as anything. The last year has been an absolute haze of alcohol and fits of rage and days spent hiding from everything and everyone. But that morning? He'll never forget that morning.

_He rolled over at the sound of his alarm going off, groaning loudly. "Lou, shut it off." No answer. "Lou, c'mon, turn it off," he whined, swatting at the side of the bed that Louis occupied. Feeling nothing but cold sheets, he peeked one eye open and glanced around the room. Huh. Louis was never awake before him._

_He rolled onto his back, not too concerned. Louis seemed to be having trouble sleeping the last few nights. Maybe he was downstairs. He'd found him asleep on the couch a couple mornings ago. Pushing the covers back, he climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of trackies. Padding barefoot across the cold hardwood, he made his way around the bed and out into the hallway. The house was silent, just the sound of the clock in the kitchen ticking softly. The sun was just starting to peek over the tops of the trees in the back garden. Poking his head into the living room, he stared in confusion at the empty couch. No Louis. Weird._

_Starting to get a little concerned, he made his way into the kitchen and glanced around. Everything was just how they'd left it last night. Two plates and a couple glasses stacked in the sink, empty pizza box sitting on the counter. The kettle hadn't been touched. The first thing Louis does in the morning is make a fresh cup of tea. He always says he can't even think about starting his day 'til he's had his cup of Yorkshire. 'Just a splash of milk thank you, why on earth do you insist on ruining perfectly good tea with sugar?'_

_As he surveyed the room, his eyes landed on a white envelope sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. His insides turned cold. A feeling of absolute dread and nausea washed over him. Not sure where this sudden feeling of wrongness was coming from, he walked slowly over to the table and pulled a chair back, falling into it with a grunt. With shaking hands, he pulled the envelope towards himself and placed it on the table. 'Harry', the envelope said in the familiar slope of Louis' writing. With the feeling of absolute wrongness growing inside his belly, Harry ran his finger under the flap of the envelope, ripping it open slowly. He pulled the folded sheet of paper out of the envelope and smoothed it out on the table. With wavering vision, he began to read._

_Ten minutes later he was in bed cocooned in a comforter, shaking violently as silent tears rolled down his cheeks._

            It's been 11 months and 23 days since Louis left him, and it's been 11 months and 20 days since Harry has been back to this god-forsaken town.

_After spending three days in a state of semi-consciousness, not leaving his bed for any reason other than to use the toilet and eat, Harry had finally managed to throw a few items of clothing into a suitcase and climb into his car. He doesn't remember much from the days immediately following the letter. He just drove. Two days later, he pulled up to a motel in a small town he doesn't remember the name of. He paid the manager for a week and holed up again, nursing his broken heart. He had left his phone at home, turning it off as soon as he'd read the letter. He hadn't spoken to anyone since that morning. Couldn't even find it in himself to feel guilty. All he could feel was pain. White-hot all consuming pain. The months following that first week were dark and full of more alcohol and self-loathing than Harry cared to remember. He had eventually called his mom and told her that he was okay. Not to worry and that he just had to leave. She had been frantic, but Harry was in pain and had hung up on his sobbing mother._

_One morning Harry had woken up and decided it was time to get his shit together. He spent the next month slowly trying to repair his shattered life. He called his mother and explained everything to her. He had moved on to a new town by this point and found a job at a bookstore. He needed something to keep his mind occupied. He slowly began to rebuild his broken heart._

_A million emotions and a lot of soul searching later, Harry finally came to realize that Louis had been right. They had become complacent. At some point they had stopped appreciating each other. They'd stopped doing the little things that used to come so naturally. The little notes in the fog on the bathroom mirror in the morning, the random kisses and 'I love you's, the bouquets of flowers  'just because'. And that was not okay._

_Harry also spent a lot of time trying to remember who he was before he was 'LouisandHarry'. He began to do the things he used to love that seemed to have fallen away as he and Louis had become so wrapped up in each other that they no longer seemed to have anything that was just for themselves. Most importantly, he began to write again. And it was this writing that lead him to finally realize that he was ready to go find Louis. He just hoped Louis was ready to find Harry._

            The bus comes to a bumpy halt, the brakes squeaking in protest as it pulls up to the station. Harry grabs the two bags that contain all that he has to show for the last year of his life and climbs out of the bus. He walks down the familiar street for a few minutes until he finds himself in front of the local hotel. He stops for a moment, realizing that he isn't ready to go back to that house quite yet. Pulling the front door open, Harry walks up to the front desk and gets a room for the night. He climbs the single flight of stairs and lets himself into the room, setting his bags on the bed and falling onto his back. Maybe he isn't ready to be back in this town yet. Louis might not even be here.

             He's not sure why, but about a week ago Harry had woken up with this feeling that it was time to come back. This feeling that Louis might be here, waiting for him. So he had packed up his few belongings, bought a bus ticket, and now here he is, lying on a lumpy mattress in a room with dingy walls and the smell of smoking hanging in the air, too much of a chicken shit to go back to that house.

            Two hours later, Harry finds himself walking around the small town that he and Louis had come to call home for the last ten years. Scuffing his worn boots along the sidewalk, Harry feels the ghosts of their life together coming back to haunt him. Glancing up at the building on his right, he sees the coffee shop where Louis had first told him that he loved him. Harry had been a shy, quiet sixteen year old and Louis had been the older, mysterious boy that he had instantly been drawn to.

_They were sitting across from each other in their usual spot; a small table with uneven legs in the corner of the small coffee shop. They had been officially dating for four months and Harry was completely smitten._

_Reaching across the table, Louis grabbed the younger boy's hand and started rubbing small circles into the inside of his wrist, a nervous smile curling the corner of his mouth. Harry gazed at the beautiful boy sitting across from him, wondering for the thousandth time how he was lucky enough to call him his boyfriend._

_Louis looked up then, his blue eyes brimming with the soft, fond look that Harry had begun to associate with the boy the last several weeks._

_"Harry," Louis said softly, piercing blue eyes staring straight into Harry's green ones. "I know we're young, and I know that we haven't been dating for long but," he trailed off, licking his lips. His eyes darted nervously around the room, finally landing back on Harry._

_"Louis, what is it?" Harry asked nervously. Something about Louis' clammy hand and shaky voice was making Harry a little scared. Louis meant so much to him, he wasn't sure what he would do if Louis didn't feel the same. Harry's mind was running through all the possible horrible things that Louis could be about to say when the other boy coughed nervously and squeezed Harry's hand._

_"Harry, I love you." he blurted out. Harry just stared at him, mouth hanging open. He wasn't trying to break up with him? He loved him?_

_"Harry," Louis' voice cut through the shocked haze in Harry's mind. "If you don't feel the same way, that's fine. I just needed to say it. I hope someday you might love me too but.. mmph!"_

_Harry dove across the table and grabbed Louis' face, crushing their lips together and effectively cutting off anything the older boy was about to say. Giggling softly, Harry pulled back and grinned at Louis, who was sitting stiffly, back completely straight with his mouth hanging open._

_"I love you too, you idiot!" Harry smiled, giving Louis another soft kiss. This time Louis reciprocated, bringing a hand up to cup Harry's jaw gently. Pulling back, they smiled at each other, completely oblivious to anything else, focused only on each other._

            Harry continues walking down the street, pulling his jacket tighter around his shoulders. The weather has been warmer lately but the early May breeze still cuts through Harry's layers. Turning the corner, he stops in front of a shop with the words Black Lotus scrawled across the window. Peering in, Harry sees a man leaning back in a chair, another man bending over his arm, slowly dragging a needle across his skin. Harry is pulled back to another day years ago. Louis was 20, Harry had just turned 18 the day before.

_The two boys were running down the street, Louis dragging Harry by the wrist._

_"C'mon Haz, it's like a rite of passage! You're 18! Time for your first tattoo!"_

_Harry laughed, chasing after Louis and almost tripping on his own feet. "Okay Lou, I'm coming!"_

_The couple walked into the shop and were greeted by Greg, the artist, who ushered them into a back room._

_"Okay boys, who's getting what?" Greg asked, an amused glint in his eye._

_Harry raised his hand awkwardly. "Umm, I want a bird cage, just right here on my ribs," Harry gestured nervously._

_Louis smiled reassuringly and gripped his boyfriend's hand gently._

_"Alright, let's get started," Greg announced after setting up his work station._

_Harry glanced nervously at Louis, squeezing his hand a little tighter. "I'm scared Lou," he whispered, a faint blush creeping over his cheekbones._

_Louis leaned over and kissed Harry on the cheek. "It's okay love, I've got a million, you'll be fine. Just hold my hand, I'm right here."_

_An hour later, Harry stood in front of the mirror admiring his new tattoo. "Thanks for convincing me to do this Lou, I love it. I love you."_

_Louis leaned in to give Harry a sweet, chaste kiss on the lips. "I love you too, Hazza. Now let's go get some pizza!"_

_The pair ran out of the shop, laughing loudly all the way down the street._

            Harry eventually finds himself walking through the small park situated in the middle of the sleepy town. There are children playing on the playground, squealing and chasing each other around. Harry smiles and walks over to a bench, sitting down and wrapping his arms tightly around his middle. He finds his mind drawn to a day five years earlier. He was 21, Louis 23. They'd been together for five years and felt themselves falling more in love each day.

_"Harry," Louis said, looking over at his boyfriend. The two had been walking around the park hand in hand, just enjoying the nice spring weather._

_"Hmm?" Harry asked, glancing over at the beautiful man next to him. "What's on your mind, love?"_

_"Well," Louis replied, kicking a rock across the path. "We've been together now, what, five years?"_

_"Mm", Harry replied, smiling at Louis. "Just about."_

_"Well, I was thinking. My two bedroom flat is awfully big and lonely with just little old me living there," Louis trailed off, nervously picking at his jumper._

_Harry's heart started to beat a little harder. They'd talked about wanting to move in together someday, but so far nothing had come from it. Just idle chatter about the future, nothing really concrete. Taking a deep breath, Harry pulled Louis to a stop in the middle of the path._

_Turning to face Harry, Louis took both of Harry's hands in his and smiled shyly. "Harry? Did you want to maybe move in with me?"_

_"Yes!" Harry shouted, almost before Louis had even finished speaking. Louis laughed loudly, his eyes crinkling at the corners the way Harry loved so much. Picking the smaller man up, Harry swung him around, whispering "I love you" over and over into his ear._

            The sun is starting to set, the breeze going from chilly to downright cold. Harry has been wandering through a residential area for a while now, just looking at the houses and walking aimlessly. He stops suddenly, looking up at a small white house with the stereotypical white picket fence and old rickety porch. His and Louis' house. They had saved up and bought it two years after moving into Louis' flat together. He hadn't meant to come here.

            Rubbing his arms in an attempt to get some feeling back into his cold muscles, Harry steels himself and walks up to the front door. Pulling his keys out of his jacket pocket, he puts the house key in the deadbolt and turns it, slowly pushing the door open. He steps in, pulling the door closed behind him, and looks around. It looks just the same as when he left a year ago. Shaking himself, Harry walks through the house, stopping for a moment in each room.

            The living room, where he and Louis spent hours curled up in front of the TV watching movies and talking.

            The kitchen, where Harry had taught Louis how to cook. Louis had been so proud when he had finally been able to cook Harry a meal on his own, presenting him with a plate of chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash.

            The spare room, where Louis kept his array of guitars, keyboards and other instruments. All still in exactly the same position he had left them in.

            With the sounds of Louis' music echoing in his ears, Harry makes his way to the bedroom and stops in the doorway, just looking.

_It was their seventh anniversary. They had just moved into their new house and had unpacked the final box. They were laying on the bed side by side, Harry's right leg crossed over Louis' left, fingers intertwined between them._

_Leaning up on his elbow, Harry looked down at Louis and whispered, "Welcome home, Lou," and kissed him gently._

_The kiss started innocently enough, but soon turned into something more insistent, more demanding. Harry slid his tongue along Louis' lower lip, silently asking for more. Sighing contentedly, Louis parted his lips, letting Harry lick into his mouth. Without breaking the kiss, Harry swung his leg over Louis' hips, straddling him and pressing him back into the mattress._

_"I love you Lou, so much," Harry breathed, resting their foreheads together._

_"I love you too Harry. More than words," Louis replied, looking up into Harry's green eyes, so full of affection._

_As they kissed, soft lips sliding against each other, tongues prodding and exploring, they undressed one another, touching and holding and caressing. They had their whole lives together, no need to rush._

_Harry slowly opened Louis up, starting with one finger, then two, and finally three, moving his fingers in and out, stretching Louis open and listening to the beautiful sighs and moans leaving the older man's mouth._

_When Harry finally pushed in, slowly and gently, Louis gripped Harry's back and wrapped his legs around his waist, letting out a whimper, "Harry, please."_

_Afterwards, as they lay in a tangle of sheets, sweaty and content, Louis rested his head on Harry's chest and began to trace nonsensical patterns into his skin. "Harry, tell me we'll always be this happy. Promise me we'll never take each other for granted."_

_Harry had smiled down at the beautiful boy in his arms and promised, "Always Lou. I'll never take you for granted. I love you so much."_

            Harry had meant it when he said it. He had never meant for things to get this bad. He had thought that they would always be that happy. In all the scenarios that he had pictured for his life, a future without Louis had never crossed his mind. And he supposes that's when things started to fall apart. He had become complacent. He assumed that Louis would always be there. He had stopped trying. But he's trying now.

            With a renewed sense of determination, Harry turns around and walks quickly down the hallway. He's halfway through the kitchen when the front door suddenly opens. Harry stops dead in his tracks and stares.

            "Lou," he breathes, just staring. He feels his heart contract painfully at the sight of the man he has loved since he was sixteen.

            "Harry," Louis replies, standing still in the doorway.

            Something seems to snap suddenly and the two men are running across the house and into each other's arms, both crying shamelessly and holding onto one another with all that they have.

            "I'm so sorry," Louis cries brokenly. "I just didn't know what to do. I loved you so much and I just felt us pulling apart and I couldn't bare it. It was all I could think to do."

            Harry just strokes the older man's back, whispering over and over into his ear. "It's okay Lou, I love you. I understand. It's okay. We found each other. It's going to be okay."

            They have a lot of work to do. There is a lot of pain and a lot of mistrust between them now. But Harry knows that they'll be alright. Because he loves Louis and Louis loves him. And they found each other again after all this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's it! Hopefully you liked the ending, I wanted to leave it kind of open in case I ever decide to write more about the two of them. If that's something you think you'd like, let me know!


End file.
